When you spend your days caring for others as a carer or support worker, it’s easy to forget that you need care too. I’ve noticed this pattern in myself and in the health and social care workers I’ve spoken with. We can get so focused on meeting the needs of those we support that our own wellbeing and mental health quietly slip down the priority list.
But here’s what I’ve come to understand: looking after your mental health isn’t selfish. It’s essential. Not just for you, but for the people who depend on you. And while we can all remind ourselves of this, we have to put it into practice.
The Weight We Carry
Working in health and social care means carrying a particular kind of weight. You witness suffering. You hold people’s hands through their most vulnerable moments. You make decisions that matter, often under pressure, with limited resources and time. You may also be trying to manage struggles and demands in your own personal life e.g. financial problems, grief.
I’ve reflected on how this accumulates over time. And whilst we might be trained in clinical skills or care procedures, and told that processing our emotions is important, it can often come secondary to the core training – when in actual fact, it should come first.
Too often, we’re expected to simply carry on, to be resilient, to cope. But resilience is about recognising when you need support and actively seeking it.
Understanding Self-Care
The RCN defines self-care as “the power we all hold as individuals to influence our level of wellbeing.” I find this definition empowering because it reminds us that we do have agency, even when work feels overwhelming. Self-care isn’t about bubble baths and scented candles (though if those help you, wonderful). It’s about choosing behaviours that help you balance the effects of physical and emotional stress.
NHS England’s guidance on team wellbeing emphasises that “being healthy and well is different, for different people, at different times and that one size does not fit all.” What restores you might drain someone else. What worked for you last month might not work now. Self-care requires ongoing attention and adjustment
The Six Dimensions of Wellbeing
The RCN breaks self-care into six interconnected areas, and I’ve found this framework helpful for understanding where I might be neglecting myself:
My Body
Your body enables you to do your work. It lifts, it moves, it endures long shifts. Caring for it means maintaining a balanced diet, staying hydrated, getting enough sleep, exercising regularly, and recognising when a task is too physically demanding. I know how difficult this can be when you’re working twelve-hour shifts with barely time for a proper break. But even small changes (keeping a water bottle with you, taking the stairs when you can, eating something nourishing rather than grabbing whatever’s quickest) matter.
My Mind
Your mind processes millions of pieces of information every day. It makes complex calculations and decisions. Mental self-care means taking time to reflect on your wellbeing and state of mind, building your resilience, and recognising when you need support. Mind’s research highlights that “staff must feel able, rather than obligated, to stay in work if they are experiencing mental ill health.” This distinction is crucial. You shouldn’t have to push through when you’re struggling.
My Heart
Understanding and sharing your feelings is essential. Emotional self-care includes spending time with family and friends, giving yourself praise, showing self-compassion, allowing others to support you, and confiding in someone you trust. I’ve noticed that as carers, we’re often better at offering compassion to others than to ourselves. We need to extend the same kindness inward.
My Spirit
Spiritual self-care is deeply personal. It might involve seeking meaning or purpose, connecting with the present moment, with nature, with others, or with something greater than yourself. The RCN notes that “your work will expose you to other people’s suffering which may evoke sadness, moral distress and grief.” Spiritual self-care can provide perspective, help you understand suffering as part of a larger picture, and nurture optimism and hope.
My Work
How you feel at work influences your attitude towards the rest of life. Work-related self-care means recognising when demands overwhelm you and considering what steps you can take to feel more supported. NHS England’s framework encourages teams to create “a culture where everyone is valued and respected” and where people “don’t tolerate any form of discrimination, bullying or violence, and call out inappropriate behaviour.” You deserve to work in an environment that supports your wellbeing.
My Career
Believing you have some control over your career is part of self-care. Taking time to think about what’s important to you, what you enjoy, and what you’re good at can help you identify what you want from your career. This might mean pursuing additional training, changing roles, or simply recognising the value of what you already do
Practical Steps You Can Take
Mind emphasises three types of activity that support mental health at work:
The preventative: This includes raising awareness of mental health, creating a culture where it isn’t stigmatised, and having regular check-ins. You might start conversations with colleagues about how you’re really doing, not just “fine, thanks.” You could suggest your team implements brief check-ins at the start of shifts; ask questions like “What one word sums up your mood today?” or “What’s one thing you’re doing to manage your wellbeing today?”
Targeted interventions: When issues like burnout, stress, or struggling with resilience arise, seek support. This might be through your organisation’s Employee Assistance Programme, occupational health, mental health first aiders, or external services like Mind’s resources. Mind offers free online training through the Zero Suicide Alliance on how to support someone who might be contemplating suicide—knowledge that could be invaluable in your work and personal life.
A culture of self-care: Share mechanisms for looking after yourself with colleagues. This might include mobile apps, mindfulness techniques, lifestyle changes, or simply permission to take proper breaks. NHS England’s research shows that teams who actively work on wellbeing together see improvements in staff satisfaction, retention, and patient care.
Spotting the Warning Signs
It’s easier to recognise someone’s physical health than their emotional wellbeing. Warning signs that your wellbeing is under pressure might include:
- Feeling constantly tired, even after rest
- Relying on sugar or caffeine to get through the day
- Becoming distracted or not performing as you usually do
- Struggling to meet deadlines
- Withdrawing from colleagues or becoming less talkative
- Feeling cynical or detached from your work
- Physical symptoms like headaches, stomach problems, or muscle tension
If you notice these signs in yourself, please don’t ignore them. Reach out to someone you trust—a colleague, your manager, a friend, or a professional support service.
Creating Space for Wellbeing Conversations
Mind and NHS England both advocate for wellness action plans—personalised plans that outline what supports your mental health and what to do when you’re struggling. These conversations should happen regularly with your manager, but you can also buddy up with a colleague for mutual support.
Good questions to ask each other include:
- How are you, and how are you really?
- Is there anything influencing your wellbeing at the moment?
- What would help to boost your wellbeing?
- What can I do to support you?
Moving Forward
Looking after your mental health as a carer or support worker isn’t a luxury or an afterthought. It’s a fundamental part of sustainable, compassionate care. Start small. Choose one area of wellbeing to focus on this week. Have one honest conversation with a colleague. Take one proper break. Drink one more glass of water. These small acts accumulate.
And remember: you cannot pour from an empty cup. Filling yours isn’t selfish, it’s necessary. You deserve the same care and compassion you so freely give to others.
Resources:
- NHS England: Looking After Your Team’s Health and Wellbeing
- Royal College of Nursing: Self-Care
- Mind: Supporting Healthcare Workers’ Mental Health
- Zero Suicide Alliance: Free online suicide prevention training
- NHS England: Wellbeing conversations and wellness action plan templates
